Posts Tagged ‘Police’

I’m still here…barely!

November 8, 2009

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One of the pitfalls of having to regularly post a blog on the internet – is that if you find yourself without internet access, your laptop is about as useful as a social scientist.

I suppose in this day and age now of ever faster broadband connections, e-bay and twits it seems unimaginable for the young baby sat at a keyboard updating his or hers facebook status – that some fifteen years ago we didn’t even know what the internet was. It is often claimed that people always remember where they were when they heard the news that the US President John F Kennedy was assassinated or even indeed when man first set foot on the moon. Those flash card memory moments imprinted on your brain. Not too dissimilar I remember well as do others here, September 11th 2001 – the first time the wonder of the world wide web was bought into the Human Institute and changed the way I worked forever.

It has been a companion, a confidant, and on occasion a lover – so I am sure you can imagine how distressing it is for someone in my position to feel so suddenly, brutally castrated as I have been these last couple of weeks, having recently moved addresses – where I have been forced to intermittently ‘share’ my internet privileges with that of the common man in cafe’s and tea rooms.

Even now as I write this whilst supping from my usual choice of triple espresso with a shot of syrup, I can feel the eyes of everyone on me. I cannot gauge whether this is more through my general dislike at finding myself mingling with the general public, or that I have chosen to walk down to the local coffee emporium with laptop to do my weekly blog in nothing more than my dressing gown. Still I see the police have arrived so I am sure this should sort out the matter at hand in no time at all…

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Any questions? Please….

September 1, 2009

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Last week I may have been a little rash.  Tiring somewhat from the constant barrage of questions that inevitably make up my daily routine as a practicing professor at the Human Institute, I effectively called to close any line of questions addressed towards me.

Now I can be a stubborn man – so if I claim that I will no longer field ANY questions, be they Science related or NOT, then you can be sure through sheer bloody mindiness I will see that through. However this in itself can generate awhole raft of new problems.

So in an effort to clear some things up, and for any reading this, that might have tried to ask me a question in the last week.

The chemical element for gold is Au. The staff quiz night has been cancelled. Yes I would like some beans with that. No I won’t be seeing you at the weekend. Of course officer I knew exactly how fast I was driving. My name is Professor Charles Human. No I am not being beligerent. Yes I will climb into the back of the van with no fuss. Of course I will move over to make room for you. I am not carrying any ‘crack’. I am ignoring you. I would like you to stop punching me. Yes officer I did start it. Yes I would like some medical aid, quite urgently. No it won’t stop bleeding. Four fingers. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Things remain somewhat vague after this point. I hope however that that has at least answered some of the questions I chose to ignore these past 7 days. I now open up once more the doors of my mind – and invite you to come and graze on the grass that are my ideas. School is back in session, pending community service on Thursday afternoons…