Posts Tagged ‘Internet’

The Internet – what a waste of time?

March 4, 2010


Who here can’t honestly say they’ve not whiled away hours on end, idly browsing the internet looking at nothing in particular. As a Professor and budding writer of romantic fiction (what can I say – in my pregnant state I have rather unexpectedly given into my female side) there can be no greater distraction. When I sit down at my laptop, boot up, and contemplate what it is I’m about to start writing, inevitably I momentarily click on the world wide web icon.

First there are the e-mails to check and reply too. Followed by  the morning browse of  news websites to keep abreast of current affairs. I like to take a quick check of the weather satellites. Then catch up on last nights television with the various replay services that now exist. I often browse You Tube, holding a particularly strange fascination for amusing videos of dogs driving cars.

None of this begins to include the daily download of music, which can require some trawling through various file sharing websites to find exactly what I am looking for. (This week I was pleased to finally track down a copy of 1987’s Keep Your Distance by Curiosity Killed The Cat – ah that takes me back to some happy times!)

And of course somewhere in amongst all of this, I also have to have a massive masturbate over the substantial amount of free erotica, found in every corner of the internet and that caters to just about every known perversion and sexual quirk mankind can possibly dream up. And frankly some we couldn’t have envisaged even in our wildest dreams – or indeed nightmares.

It’s a wonder I have time to finish writing this blog…

I’m still here…barely!

November 8, 2009

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One of the pitfalls of having to regularly post a blog on the internet – is that if you find yourself without internet access, your laptop is about as useful as a social scientist.

I suppose in this day and age now of ever faster broadband connections, e-bay and twits it seems unimaginable for the young baby sat at a keyboard updating his or hers facebook status – that some fifteen years ago we didn’t even know what the internet was. It is often claimed that people always remember where they were when they heard the news that the US President John F Kennedy was assassinated or even indeed when man first set foot on the moon. Those flash card memory moments imprinted on your brain. Not too dissimilar I remember well as do others here, September 11th 2001 – the first time the wonder of the world wide web was bought into the Human Institute and changed the way I worked forever.

It has been a companion, a confidant, and on occasion a lover – so I am sure you can imagine how distressing it is for someone in my position to feel so suddenly, brutally castrated as I have been these last couple of weeks, having recently moved addresses – where I have been forced to intermittently ‘share’ my internet privileges with that of the common man in cafe’s and tea rooms.

Even now as I write this whilst supping from my usual choice of triple espresso with a shot of syrup, I can feel the eyes of everyone on me. I cannot gauge whether this is more through my general dislike at finding myself mingling with the general public, or that I have chosen to walk down to the local coffee emporium with laptop to do my weekly blog in nothing more than my dressing gown. Still I see the police have arrived so I am sure this should sort out the matter at hand in no time at all…

What’s in a number…

August 10, 2009

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  When Alan Turing first sat down and invented what would become the modern computer he might well have dreamed that eventually programmers would devise a vast social network – call it the World Wide Web – and create an unparallelled source of information and pornography.  

And that emerging from this remarkable tool would be one man.

One HUman. 

A great Scientist. A great thinker. A great lover. A man to join that illustrious lineage that began with the Greek Archimedes sitting in his bath. Saw Da Vinci write his bestselling code. Mocked Newton daydreaming under an apple tree. Laughed at Darwin looking a little green as he leans over the side of the HMS Beagle. Cock blocked Einstein making a pass at Marylin Monroe. Was frightened by David Bellamy using his scary shape shifting abilities to explore the bottom of his garden pond.

All to this point now – and my sharing with you the vast intricacies of my mind made word  for an astonishing 50th blog!

What have we learned along the way?

Well…

You can’t trust a clone. The Corrs might be able to write a good tune but they need a scientist to help them with their lyrics. 10% of students can still successfully complete an experiment whilst locked in a laboratory with a wild wolverine. The Sigtun cafe in Hofos, Iceland does a good Hot Chocolate. Never trust an organ grinder’s monkey. I made up the big bang theory with Stephen Hawking for a lark. The Squirrels are organising. My computer is usually located on a desk by a window I’m just not entirely sure which one. I hate badgers.

They may have tried to silence me, they may have pretended I don’t exist. This blog may indeed only have 3 or 4 regular readers. But I toast to you this momentous…moment in Science and computing. There will be a series of celebratory activities taking place all week at the Human Institute to mark the occasion and I  look forward the next opportunity to laud my magnificence.