Archive for May, 2010

The STUDENT Years pt 2

May 7, 2010

More exclusive extracts from:

THE DIARY JOURNAL OF ACADEMIC STUDENT CHARLES HUMAN

Dedicated to Darwin, Einstein and my future self.

THURS 15th NOVEMBER

Once more I am appalled at the ignorance of the teaching staff here at the University. I had come here in the hope that I might actually ‘learn’ something, but it is clear I am going to have to take matters into my own hands. I have taken to organising an after class ‘real’ science lecture – but so far there seem to be few takers. Well, if we were to be matter of fact about it – no takers. Still I don’t see this as a deterrent. If anything it is giving me a chance to practice my oratory skills in a larger venue than my meagre student dwellings, of which the other student I share a room with seems little keen on, especially when I deliver impromptu early morning lectures.

I still seem to be struggling with finding a social group to form relations with – this isn’t to say there isn’t a scientific society. There is a very fine and respected one, but my one and only attendance to said group lead to heated debate. The enquiry is still ongoing about quite how it escalated to three dismissals, five suspensions, a fire and one fatality…

MON 19th NOVEMBER

And then when all seemed lost, in SHE walked…

I had just about given up on my post lesson personal lectures, when this afternoon I saw the loveliest specimen of the female form enter the theatre and ask if she was still in time or had the lecture finished?

I was enchanted.

So much so that while clearly there was no lecture or audience I proceeded to invite her to sit while I continued to talk about the digestive tract and bowel movements of the common household hamster for a further three hours.

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The STUDENT Years pt1

May 6, 2010

THE DIARY OF ACADEMIC STUDENT CHARLES HUMAN

For the eyes of future historians and intellects ONLY!

SUNDAY 3rd OCTOBER

Mother accompanied me to the station today to see me away to University. I am the first Human to be attending an establishment of further education. She cried of course, although to be fair I don’t think it had anything to do with my leaving. Still this didn’t stop it causing me quite the degree of discomfort and embarrassment as she broke down in floods on the platform. Not for the first time I was reduced to holding her in the sleeper position until she passed out and I was free to board the train.

Father was as ever noticeable by his absence. I wonder if he even knows where I have gone. Still as I sit here and write this on the train, I feel free. Free from the shackles of my ignorant colleagues and friends back home. And free to engage with like minded scientific souls in a more learned environment.

MONDAY 5th OCTOBER

Dear diary – where have I come?!!? So there is something called Fresher’s Week. And it would appear to consist of boorish young drunks falling in and out of the student union,  usually in each others arms, off no doubt to try and copulate with each other, before another round of drinks and vomiting. Darwin forbid I actually came here to learn something.

I tried to engage one of these oafs in conversation earlier – your standard discussion about the DNA double helix consisting of two long polymers of simple units called nucleotides. Apparently this was enough to warrant labelling me a ‘homosexual’, clearly wrong, although in all fairness he was correct about the ‘Speccy’ aspect of my appearance.

I fear my dear journal – that perhaps University life is not what I had hoped it might be. If only  somewhere  in this vast institute, there should be some single like minded individual…

TUES 6th OCTOBER

Apparently not.

Feelings of nostalgia

May 5, 2010

With my impending pregnancy about to finally bear fruit – not literally of course, I mean I am but weeks away from ejecting from my cervix (yes I do mean cervix, all part of the unusual – and to perhaps many hideous – experiment I have found myself caught up in) another Human. Although I might imagine that passing say for example a grapefruit, might be equally discomforting. (Note to self – human beings that might be able to produce fruit and vegetables from their own body, look into further!)

However, this imminent arrival of a fresh young life, or Subject CH03mk2 as I planning to name it, has led me this week to look back, somewhat nostalgically at my own formative years. A carefree child, with none of the pressures and responsibilities of my adult life – I thought it might be of interest to you my dear blog reader to get a brief insight, into the early musings and development of my soon to be superior brain. Indeed this very blog is by no means the first record of my thoughts and genius, rather precociously I have been keeping a journal since I was two and a half, although here for you I shall limit disclosure to my teenage ramblings, before being mostly crayon drawings of estranged father figures and red fire engines .

So for the first time outside of the elegant scribblings of my own fair hand in a number of catalogued and indexed moleskin notebooks – I present over the course of the next few days, extracts from CHARLE HUMAN: THE STUDENT YEARS…