Archive for March, 2010

What a load of COX

March 31, 2010

Who in the name of Darwin is this overnight science sensation??!

This-this-this…Brian Cox.

Where has he come from? I follow everyone, EVERYONE, in the science world closely. Some extremely closely, and consequently have a few pending restraining orders to show for it. But this Brian COX figure has literally materialized from nowhere. One minute, there I was (me, Professor Charles HUMAN) together with a few of the usual suspects – leading the UK if not the world in scientific observations, discussions and elaborate experiments, our collective faces etched in the zeitgeist, like a modern day Mount Rushmore only in the UK, probably Dover somewhere – the next minute, a young SPERM of a professor surfaces and all of a sudden is heralded as the next best thing in the science world: flavour of the year by the looks of it, at least with the B-B-Bloody-C. I don’t know if this sudden detraction from REAL science is linked to a recent bout of criticism directed towards my apparently ‘unnecessary’ experiments – for example, my successful training of a chimpanzee to photocopy, fax and collate documents was mocked in the February issue of “Live Science 2010” – or last week when I produced a tasty new cheese using rabbit’s milk, nobody showed the slightest interest (except Tesco’s who have yet to reply).

Anyway, as for COX, I’ve yet to see the little pre-pubescent fellow demonstrate anything of scientific value…to me anyway. We’ll see what the future brings – only time will tell… (unless he plans to reinvent that too!!)

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The Internet – what a waste of time?

March 4, 2010


Who here can’t honestly say they’ve not whiled away hours on end, idly browsing the internet looking at nothing in particular. As a Professor and budding writer of romantic fiction (what can I say – in my pregnant state I have rather unexpectedly given into my female side) there can be no greater distraction. When I sit down at my laptop, boot up, and contemplate what it is I’m about to start writing, inevitably I momentarily click on the world wide web icon.

First there are the e-mails to check and reply too. Followed by  the morning browse of  news websites to keep abreast of current affairs. I like to take a quick check of the weather satellites. Then catch up on last nights television with the various replay services that now exist. I often browse You Tube, holding a particularly strange fascination for amusing videos of dogs driving cars.

None of this begins to include the daily download of music, which can require some trawling through various file sharing websites to find exactly what I am looking for. (This week I was pleased to finally track down a copy of 1987’s Keep Your Distance by Curiosity Killed The Cat – ah that takes me back to some happy times!)

And of course somewhere in amongst all of this, I also have to have a massive masturbate over the substantial amount of free erotica, found in every corner of the internet and that caters to just about every known perversion and sexual quirk mankind can possibly dream up. And frankly some we couldn’t have envisaged even in our wildest dreams – or indeed nightmares.

It’s a wonder I have time to finish writing this blog…

Some kind of congratulations are in order!

March 1, 2010

Perhaps it’s the fact that I currently have my very own brood residing within – being that I am not usually the sentimental type – however I could hardly let this moment pass.

Congratulations to my work colleague Dave, and his wife Laura, on the birth of their new baby daughter Maya. She was delivered at 1530 on Saturday 27th February and came in at a whopping 9lb 1oz. I didn’t deliver her myself, despite my offering – for some reason Laura doesn’t appear to trust me!

Still I look forward to welcoming their healthy new test subject to the institute within the next week, I already have her cage on standby.