Archive for August, 2009

I am Scientist

August 26, 2009

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Whilst I have no issue with being one of the foremost scientific authorities in the UK – I do tire somewhat of the constant media attention that someone in my position inevitably attracts. Despite what many may think, the celebrity – which is an obvious by product of my superior brain – was never my ultimate goal. Yes I appreciate that much like the greats of my field, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Johnny Ball it is something we have to bear as testament to our intellect still nonetheless it would seem that I am to have an opinion all things science and science related and am regularly courted by the national press to comment on any latest development in my field.

Maybe people haven’t stopped to consider at times that there might actually be certain areas of science that I really couldn’t give two hoots about. Take for instance social sciences. I’m sorry but to be honest if it doesn’t involve a test tube, laboratory or white coat – I really don’t see how it can be labelled a TRUE science. I see little to be gained in standing around observing the social groupings of various individuals. If it doesn’t fit under a microscope I don’t want to know about it!  I earnt my professorship through hard graft, study and vast amounts of artifical stimulants.

There is also much to be said for real world practical experience, rather than having your head buried in a book twenty-four seven. Hence here at the institute I often tear up students text books if I find them trying to ‘sneak a peek’ during lectures. They are of course then charged for the books replacement.

Now look – I don’t pretend to be better than most. In fact I don’t pretend at all, I simply am. But as of now, Charles Human is closed to questioning of any kind, be it science or otherwise. You’re just going to have to work it out on your own!

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No Cure For Cancer? Hardly…

August 19, 2009

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Probably the most pressing concern for many of today’s Doctor’s and Scientists is trying to find a cure for swine – flu. But that shouldn’t distract from the poster child of human diseases – I’m talking of course of Cancer.

The full potency of cancer shouldn’t be dismissed appearing as it does – like a many headed hydra – in a variety of forms, Skin, Breast, Lung, Testicular, Ovarian. This is not a subject I take lightly – we at the Human Institute are dedicated to helping eliminate once and for all this terrible disease. I do however, occasionally call in to question, the wisdom of such an action.

After all – is it  not reasonable to assume that there is a vast industry of people all working towards this one common goal. All gainfully employed in the task of finding a cure. Indeed here at the Human Instiutute we recieve a substantial sum of money each year, that is to go towards the funding, of any research we undertake. I know many of the staff are grateful for the Cappucino maker we were able to install in the research laboratory due to people’s kind donations.

And so what might become of all these people and all this equipment should we achieve our ultimate goal?  I do have my eye on the Cappucino maker for the Human homestead.

However I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you.

So I will.

Quite simply there is too much at stake for us to be too successful. I admit to coming close to craking a vaccination on a number of occasions,  and it is with a small pang of regret that I have deliberately sabotaged such results taking myself back to square one. But as I take a sip from my double espresso, I know I am not alone in such practices – it may well be science and medicines secret shame, but a burden we bare with excellent coffee…

August 14th 2009 – Happy 2nd ‘Blog’day!

August 14, 2009

Happy%202nd%20Birthday!

When Alan Turing first sat down and invented what would become the modern computer he might well have dreamed that eventually programmers would devise a vast social network – call it the World Wide Web – and create an unparallelled source of information and pornography.  

And that emerging from this remarkable tool would be one man.

One HUman. 

A great Scientist. A great thinker. A great lover. A man to join that illustrious lineage that began with the Greek Archimedes sitting in his bath. Saw Da Vinci write his bestselling code. Mocked Newton daydreaming under an apple tree. Laughed at Darwin looking a little green as he leans over the side of the HMS Beagle. Cock blocked Einstein making a pass at Marylin Monroe. Was frightened by David Bellamy using his scary shape shifting abilities to explore the bottom of his garden pond.

All to this point now – and my sharing with you the vast intricacies of my mind made word  for an astonishing 2nd YEAR!

What have we learned along the way?

Well…

You can’t trust a clone. The Corrs might be able to write a good tune but they need a scientist to help them with their lyrics. 10% of students can still successfully complete an experiment whilst locked in a laboratory with a wild wolverine. The Sigtun cafe in Hofos, Iceland does a good Hot Chocolate. I really must pay closer attention to when anniversaries are likely to clash. Never trust an organ grinder’s monkey. I made up the big bang theory with Stephen Hawking for a lark. The Squirrels are organising. My computer is usually located on a desk by a window I’m just not entirely sure which one. I hate badgers.

They may have tried to silence me, they may have pretended I don’t exist. This blog may indeed only have 3 or 4 regular readers. But I toast to you this momentous…moment in Science and computing. There will be a series of celebratory activities taking place all weekend at the Human Institute to mark the occasion and then I am done…

What’s in a number…

August 10, 2009

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  When Alan Turing first sat down and invented what would become the modern computer he might well have dreamed that eventually programmers would devise a vast social network – call it the World Wide Web – and create an unparallelled source of information and pornography.  

And that emerging from this remarkable tool would be one man.

One HUman. 

A great Scientist. A great thinker. A great lover. A man to join that illustrious lineage that began with the Greek Archimedes sitting in his bath. Saw Da Vinci write his bestselling code. Mocked Newton daydreaming under an apple tree. Laughed at Darwin looking a little green as he leans over the side of the HMS Beagle. Cock blocked Einstein making a pass at Marylin Monroe. Was frightened by David Bellamy using his scary shape shifting abilities to explore the bottom of his garden pond.

All to this point now – and my sharing with you the vast intricacies of my mind made word  for an astonishing 50th blog!

What have we learned along the way?

Well…

You can’t trust a clone. The Corrs might be able to write a good tune but they need a scientist to help them with their lyrics. 10% of students can still successfully complete an experiment whilst locked in a laboratory with a wild wolverine. The Sigtun cafe in Hofos, Iceland does a good Hot Chocolate. Never trust an organ grinder’s monkey. I made up the big bang theory with Stephen Hawking for a lark. The Squirrels are organising. My computer is usually located on a desk by a window I’m just not entirely sure which one. I hate badgers.

They may have tried to silence me, they may have pretended I don’t exist. This blog may indeed only have 3 or 4 regular readers. But I toast to you this momentous…moment in Science and computing. There will be a series of celebratory activities taking place all week at the Human Institute to mark the occasion and I  look forward the next opportunity to laud my magnificence.

Even doctors get ill…

August 4, 2009

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The few readers that actually take note of this blog – will I doubt, have barely registered there has been no new post placed within the last week. Despite imposing upon myself a weekly deadline – with which to inform you of my latest thoughts and musings on all things science related – instead I find myself falling behind once more.

Nonetheless I will offer forward a reason for my tardiness  (I hesitate to call it an excuse as I am always loathed to use such a term – I never have to make an EXCUSE about ANY of my actions in the name of Science!)

Simply it has been nothing more than the contracting of a flu like virus that has taken it toll on both me and my workload. Before you go jumping to conclusions, it is not of the porcine variety either. I should be so lucky! I have been exposing myself to small concentrated doses of a strain of swine flu for a number of weeks now with the hope of contracting the disease so I might better understand it – with which then to help aid the current global pandemic. Instead all I have managed to do is build up a rather irksome ‘resistence’ to the damned thing – whereas many of my recent social dates have seemingly had no bother in picking it up whatsoever!

The biggest inconvenience though, now that I  finally have taken ill, has been that I have managed to contract something just as we have entered the schools summer break. Eating into my precious free time, had I only fallen sick some two, three weeks ago I could have rode it out over the remainder of the term and been refreshed and ready for the student holidays.

I will not be beaten by any simple ‘virus’ however. I refuse to let it stop me in my daily endeavours. I am taking careful note of the exact number of days this beast keeps me bed-ridden. And upon the start of the new school year in September, will be calling into the Institute and taking ‘healthy leave’ for as long as I feel well.