I’m not even supposed to be here today!

ClerksB&WDanteAs many of you are aware I am a certified Scientist, Doctor, Professor and occasional Falconer. Today though I address you in the more surprising capacity of substitute teacher.

Whilst the Human Institute is primarily dedicated to the study and further advancement of scientific endeavour, and the eradication of badgers, to gain the requisite funding from the governments educational body – we are required as a school, to provide a cross section of other subjects for the students to waste their time with. With half my current staff all at home, bedridden with Swine Flu (something I actively encouraged them all to contract so they might develop a natural immunity – although some have lodged complaint at the means of administration – the staff  coffee machine – never touch the filthy stuff myself) I have stepped into the breach.

 I am now covering 90% of classes across the institute this week. In fact I am writing this very blog whilst attending to the creative writing class. I know nothing about creative writing whatsoever (dealing only ever as I do on cold hard fact) so my hope is that nobody asks me a question before the lecture is up. They do all appear to be looking at me rather attentively though as I sit here at the lectern and type away. There stupid gormless faces waiting for me to say something. Well they won’t get anything out of me. I can sit here all day. In fact I will be as I’ve got a French class coming through next…

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