A dire (but ultimately pointless) warning from the present (i.e the future!)

the_time_machine_large_01Good evening. My name is Professor Charles Human. Now this may seem like a rather obvious statement to any of the regular readers of this blog. But that is why I should explain. I am not the Professor Charles Human that you know. How is this possible I hear you ask? Well the answer is both simple and inordinately complicated. I am Professor Charles Human from the future! Or the present, that is my present, and I have travelled here to the past (your present) from your future (my present). I hope that has made things clear.

 I hail from the distant year 2011. Indeed my being here now at this time is not merely fortuitous, for I will invent a working theory for time travel only next week. Upon this discovery I will immediately forge down a path towards the construction of the first fully functional time machine! And it is this terrible course of events, that only now can I see for their folly that I have decided to come back and warn my former self of.

My eagerness to exploit and use my invention has come at too greater a cost already, many events irrevocably altered along the space time continuum already by my fantastic travels that all I can hope of now is to stop myself from ever having invented it.

It is at this point that I should explain, and perhaps in a manner of sorts apologise, for some of my tampering of history, events that you now take for granted, that were never as such before I allowed myself to get involved. I shouldn’t wish to go into too much detail – such things can hardly be undone now (in fact I tried that – believe me it really doesn’t work, if anything all I did was make an even bigger mess!)

 Still know that I hold myself partly responsible, or in some cases entirely, for the following – The Great Fire of London, The British – Zulu War in Africa, The Profumo Scandal and the pop career of Robson and Jerome.

There may also be some remote tribes in the jungles of South America who now revere me as some type of God.  

Were I to know now, what I knew then.

 Still this has what bought me back to this moment in time to warn myself off ever creating such a device – unfortunately I am only too acutely aware of the irony here.

For it was only two years ago, sitting in my study and contemplating my latest paper on the migratory habits of igneous rocks, that I was suddenly astonished to find myself face to face with myself from the future! And carrying a warning not too dissimilar to the one I now carry. Indeed it was only when my future self excused himself to use the bathroom that I was able to sneak a closer inspection of his time machine and deduce the various components I would require to build such a machine for myself!

I suspect my future self was suspicious of me on his return, as I am now of my past self – I would try to remain, but I fear even now as I write this, and my past self sits across from me, studying me, as I once did me…now…then. That I can hold my bladder no longer and I must go and use the bathroom! I fear there is nothing I can do (what I wouldn’t give for a good paradox!) but such is the nature of the time continuum, I even went to visit my future self, but he knew I was coming and had set a trap.

I don’t know when it is again, that I will stop to post a blog dear reader, although you will get a rather marvellous one from my past self next week about the nature of anger.

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One Response to “A dire (but ultimately pointless) warning from the present (i.e the future!)”

  1. Professor Charles Human (from the future) Says:

    I’ll always be one step ahead of you Human, always.

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