Dominature

 

stubborn-squirrel

Brace yourself people, for what I am about to tell you. This morning, for the first time in my life, whilst walking on the road in which I live, I was forced to step over a squirrel. It wasn’t dead. It wasn’t asleep. 

It just refused to move. 

Now to you lot, this might seem like a freak occurrence. A case of “Ahhhhh, how sweet, look at him” and “Isn’t he tame!”

Well, listen to me now. This abnormal happening is the first sign of an impending, clear and present danger to our existence on this planet. For centuries, decades even, mankind has proven itself to be the dominant kind on Earth. We have remained utterly “in-charge”. But the idea of me, a fully-grown professor, being forced to adjust my walking plans because of a stubborn, obstinate, nut-gathering rodent simultaneously fills me with wrath and dread.

Today it’s a bolshie squirrel who thinks he has right of way on a pavement. Tomorrow it might be a fully-armed squadron of birds, rats, mice and even, dare I say, my old foe the badgers – previously living in apparent harmony alongside humans, but forever waiting for the right time to attack!

It will happen. Come to think of it, last night my dog Darwin gave me a conspiratory look when I was washing him. All we can do is be ready. Maybe if we are the ones who start hoarding nuts, then this will not only deprive an encroaching army of essential nutrition but also send out clear signals to these terrorists that we know what they’re up to! If I were you (thankfully I’m not, I’m me, you’re you), I would think twice before throwing out those stale crusts into your garden. You may well be fuelling the soldier that will soon help bring your destruction i.e. kill you.

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One Response to “Dominature”

  1. Beneath the Planet of the Human(s) « HUMANOLOGY Says:

    […] https://professorcharleshuman.wordpress.com/2009/02/04/dominature/ […]

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