Snow good for anyone…

_45441481_darwin_220Now ordinarily of course it would be here that I give you my weekly opinion on a science related subject, further illuminating the small dark cracks of your mind – with ever greater discoveries. But much like the rest of the country it would seem I was prohibited from sitting down at my desk yesterday to begin my latest blog – by the inclement weather conditions we now find besets the country. Now I do confess that even I was caught out by this freak snow storm. I long ago stopped paying attention to the weather – or certainly at least the MET office – and their ‘predictions’. No I myself rely on a series of key scientific apparatus I have constructed on the roof of my modest homestead. Long concerned as I have been by the planets all too apparent warming – and the freak weather conditions that have started to wrack  every corner of the globe – I thought it best – in-between my academic commitments and lectures to the general public to keep an eye on things myself – in effort to discover and cure our planets woes. And so it was that I was confidently predicting a freak heat wave this month, unseasonal true, but my recordings are rarely ever off track. Imagine my surprise then on my drive home only Sunday night from a very pleasant weekend in Cheddar Gorge, to find my car suddenly caught in the kind of snow storm that may fell a lesser being. Fortunately my hand to eye co-ordination is second to none (I do confess my glasses are merely cosmetic – and a popular hit with the ladies I might add) and whilst other drivers may have skidded and slid to avoid collision I was able to maintain a relatively constant 60mph, through the snowy landscape before me, to further speed my journey home, and check my weather measuring apparatus and see how I, Charles Human, could have made such a grievous miscalculation.

The cold and snow made it hazardous to attempt a night time reading of the weather forecaster myself – but I was anxious to see what had gone wrong. Fortunately my house keeper was stranded without means to get home, so I suggested she make herself useful and clamber onto the roof to see if she might be able to call down to me any malfunction apparent. After much resistance she finally conceded – and I sat comfortably back in the warmth of my study – to await her findings. However, little did I stop to consider that my housekeeper’s limited comprehension of Basic English would be largely matched, if not surpassed by her limited knowledge of the inner workings of meteorological mechanics. In fact if her fall hadn’t taken out a power line, thus distracting me with more pressing matters, I may well have had to make the climb up to the roof myself. At least the bed of snow she fell in proved an excellent balm to her electrical burns. I was however without power or someone to fix my bed. Only a full 48 hours post, can I finally relate to you, the full extent of the details which prohibited me posting a blog earlier (one which I had hoped to concern itself with dimensional gates and the probability of evil doppelgangers).

Still I am now in the market for a new housekeeper – and should you wish to enquire about the post I can be reached through the usual channels. (Meteorological engineering experience and head for heights not essential but preferable).


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