THE END OF THE WORLD!

apocalypse.jpg

Don’t panic. This isn’t some madcap doomsday prediction by some centuries old crackpot like Nostradamus.

No.

This is all too real a prediction of the end based in hard facts and data, by a leading modern scientific mind.

MINE.

So when can we expect the Apocalypse? Do I need to cancel that two week holiday I’ve booked in the Algarve next April? How will it affect my air miles? If I wear a helmet, will I be safe?

I could answer all of these questions – but it would be a waste of time.

I’m not going to tell you why. But I will tell you how. Global temperatures predicted for the coming centuries are going to trigger another mass extinction. Previously this planet’s worst mass extinction was 251 million years, 4 days, 3 hours and 10 minutes ago when 95% of all species were lost. Dinosaurs, Unicorns, Dodos, Pushmi-pullyus, cats: all were wiped out, never to be seen again.

How is it possible that I could know all of this? Because my fellow scientists have been examining the link between climate and diversity for the last 520 million years. Now, I will concede that much of the research in the early phases was embarrassingly crude. Scientists at the time were admittedly more interested in throwing faeces at each other, and worshipping ‘the big glowing yellow ball of fire that sits in the sky’. But these early pioneers set us on a path of research millions of years in the making, even though their notes are, in retrospect, so much meaningless gibberish.

However, finally now we can see that the results provide the first clear evidence that global climate may explain substantial variation in the fossil record in a simple and consistent manner. This may be an inconvenient truth, but if our results hold for current warming, the magnitude of which is comparable with the long-term fluctuations in the Earth’s climate, they suggest that extinctions will increase. We could – at worst – be experiencing that in the next century – only a few human generations down the line.

Fortunately, thanks also to Science, within the next fifty years I can confidently predict we will all be living on the moon in pods, and taking trips back and forth from the Earth in a super elevator.

So in the unlikely event that I am wrong about that, sleep peacefully my fellow humans, Father Science is protecting you….

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