Archive for August, 2007

Experiment #014 – Enuresic Child

August 15, 2007


Enurisis is the medical term for the affliction of bedwetting. I can especially relate to this particular study as I was a chronic bedwetter between the ages of 4 and 9, and 16. I was so badly affected that on one occasion, had it not been for my quick-acting mother who thank Darwin was on standby with a pump, I would have quite simply drowned.

Now a fully grown and bone dry adult, I am excited at the prospect of curing this age-old disease. My subject is my own 6-year old nephew, Liam, who it seems shares the same flawed gene. But thanks to a European trial currently taking place in Europe, somewhere near France I believe, there may now be a dry, silver lining to Liam’s urine-soaked cloud.

The treatment is based around EST (electronic shock therapy), the bedsheet being connected to a gentle current of between 10~90v (DC). Encouragingly, in lab tests so far only 3 out of 150 rats died as a result of the treatment. I like those odds!

I’ve just dropped little Liam off at the Eurostar terminal this morning, and wished him the very best of luck.

I’ll let you know how he gets on in future postings.

Good luck Liam, I know you can do it! (stop doing it)



Welcome (continued)

August 14, 2007

Sorry about that. It was my ridiculous neighbour, Henry. More about him later.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the stream of conscious and unconscious minds flowing through this webspace, and that your life benefits greatly from the wisdom you acquire during your stay.

I’ll be posting notes from my current experiments, general humanist theories and if you’re lucky, excerpts from my soon-to-be-published book ‘I’ve Got A Body And I’m Not Afraid To Use It’, written by me.

Bye for now. And remember, wherever and whenever possible, live beyond your means – if you don’t, how will you possibly know for sure?

Your personal tour guide to you,

Professor Charles Human

Welcome All. Especially you.

August 14, 2007


Hello to everyone reading this, with only a few exceptions.

My name is Professor Charles Human, but please call me Professor. I am a scientist, a doctor and a very efficient lover. My ambition is to educate you in yourself, to help you understand why you are the way you are. And why!

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask. Think of me as your Uncle Agony, although I’ll try not to cause any!! (joke) On a serious, legal note, I have no intentions of causing you agony and instead I am here as a fountain of knowledge on the human form.

This blogging is the perfect opportunity for me to…just a minute, there’s someone at the door.

Back soon.